So sometimes people draw me into their blogs by sheer curiosity. While blogs are geeky, they have slowly turned to chic in the sense that the term “blog” isn’t so alien to people. Well one of my friends from Tucson from my street racing group is having relationship troubles. Who knew I could share such good advice?
Her blog entry was about how she wanted validation that her boyfriend loves her. She feels upset because she works long hours and is working overtime so they don’t get into money troubles. That, combined with some recent arguments makes for a poor experience for her.
[Personal Note: I’ve been wrongfully accused of this in the past, so bear with me.]
As someone who was wrongfully accused of such a thing, I can speak to possible reasons why you might feel that way. I don’t know him that well, so take it as a grain of salt:
— It is stressful trying to please everyone. While the gal at home always comes first, we all need a little isolation, quiet time, or at least time with “the guys,” as a way to self-reflect and develop ourselves. Don’t take it personally if we don’t *always* do romantic or sweet gestures, really we want to, but sometimes we’re overextended in our lives.
— Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position — that is, don’t always be submissive in a fight. Win it, win it well, and know that you both resolved a dispute. That way instead of you “going after him,” you will in effect, go after each other and bond after such conflicts. As far as violence, that’s a no-tolerance thing in my book, but you haven’t eluded to that.
— Similar to the last point, give us space. In the pursuit of validation of love and reassurance, some ladies can be overbearing, unreasonable, and in fact compromise the trust of the relationship at hand. Conversely, too much space or lack of interpersonal communication will result in a fault of the relationship.
— After you give us space, and we do our thing to rest and relax or recover from a long week of work (or otherwise), be open and flexible to sitting down and talking. No, not “the talk,” rather a nice evening, going outside to do something, and use that an opportunity to better understand the current events in each others lives.
I give this insight despite the fact my last relationship failed. I admit, I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to things, but neither was she. When I work 9-10 hour days in the hope of having a steady paycheck (in fact a raise), I expect some flexibility. I don’t mean to be chauvinistic, but when 85% of our combined income was because of me, I want to be able to R&R on my own, and that she needs to be receptive to new ideas, romantic or otherwise and to stand by my side. Well, no doubt was it learning experience myself and I don’t imagine you two to result in the same way.
Be strong. 🙂
So what do you think? Is this sound advice?